Don’t Be Ashamed … Part III

This is the last part of my story. Getting pregnant was tough took a lot! But pregnancy was no joke either. My first trimester until I was about 14 to 16 weeks, I was sick like a dog. I was unable to eat, sleepy all the time and throwing up. I remember joking with Mustafa with all the hard work we went through to conceive I hope this is the easiest pregnancy ever! Sadly, that was not the case.

I was about 10 weeks along when I first saw my first OBGYN in this pregnancy and they told me that my pregnancy was progressing beautifully. Both babies had strong heart beats and looked well. We decided at that point to fly out to New Jersey to tell our family. We decided to tell our immediate family that weekend and friends the following weekend when we would be 12 weeks along. When we told my family there was many tears of joy and happiness at the good news. We all had been waiting for the news of a pregnancy for four years. My mom I remember I told her am pregnant smiles congratulated us and disappeared to donate money (charity, Muslims donate money at all occasions and then eat lots of dessert- its tradition). We were like wait mom! We got more news its twins. My brother and dad were ecstatic at the news of twins. My mom when she came back, I told her its twins! I remember my mom going you joking! And I was like no mom its twins. We told our friends the following weekend and they too were extremely happy for us. Some of them had an inkling of how difficult it was for us to conceive.

• 

• 

• 

• 

As soon as I announced am pregnant everyone had a million and one questions. When is the baby shower? When are you due? What are you buying? Are you excited and so forth. I remember as I was so sick, still trying to get over the shock of going from triplets to twins I kind of went into a shell. I was like no baby shower and we are happy as God has blessed us and stayed in my little cocoon waiting to find out the gender of my twins. A lot of people though I was not happy, or something was wrong as I was not jumping with excitement or going crazy shopping and so forth! I just wanted to enjoy every moment of peace and quiet I have and enjoy this pregnancy. At that point I was too scared to celebrate or do much in case something bad happens. After struggling for four years with 6 failed attempts of fertility help (clomid and femara) and a miscarriage with IVF there was a fear but luckily, we made it through.

At week 20 we found out the gender of our twins. We have been blessed with twin BOYS! We are super excited for our twin boys. My husband wants them to have the same initial as him, so we have been calling them the M&M twins. Once we found out at the genders we decided to go to London for a quick babymoon. We went to London at 22 weeks pregnant for 5 days. That is when I first started shopping for my twins and getting a little excited. Till then I had not even bought them a onesie or a stuff bear even.

On August 4^th my husband threw me a surprise baby shower. Well I figured he was throwing me a surprise baby shower three weeks before the baby shower. But it was still sweet! He booked our favorite restaurant made sure the menu had all my favorite foods. Really the sweetest thing he did! He is not much of a party planner, but he really pulled it off and threw me an amazing shower. We had friends and family all over the country and Canada drive/fly in just for the baby shower to celebrate with us. We are eternally grateful to be surrounded by such loving and supporting friends and family who wanted to be there and celebrate this moment.

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

On August 4^th my husband threw me a surprise baby shower. Well I figured he was throwing me a surprise baby shower three weeks before the baby shower. But it was still sweet! He booked our favorite restaurant made sure the menu had all my favorite foods. Really the sweetest thing he did! He is not much of a party planner, but he really pulled it off and threw me an amazing shower. We had friends and family all over the country and Canada drive/fly in just for the baby shower to celebrate with us. We are eternally grateful to be surrounded by such loving and supporting friends and family who wanted to be there and celebrate this moment.

In our last trimester (seventh month) we finally started setting up the nursery and getting ready for these twins. We realized the doctors want to schedule me for a c-section between 36 and 37 weeks so time was limited. Our goal was to have everything set up by week 30 of our pregnancy as my mobility by each week was becoming less and less and you never know if twins decide to come early.

We were finally scheduled for October 31^st for a C-Section to deliver the M&M twins. On October 26^th I was working from home and noticed that am leaking fluid (it was not like the movies). We called my doctor’s office and was told to monitor and then come in for my scheduled doctor’s appointment. An hour later the leaking increased so I called triage this time. They told me don’t run but you need to come in. Luckily hospital bag and car seats were already in the car. We get to the hospital and told that water has broken, and you will be having the twins today. I had eaten an hour before coming to the hospital so had to wait 8 hours before they could perform the c-section. That is when we call our families and told them the news.

At 8:30 pm I gave birth to Mikaal and at 8:31 pm out came Musa. I remember when Mikaal came out the doctor said Baby A is out, but it was pin drop silence in the operating room. Longest 2 seconds of my life. I asked the doctor is he ok and that’s when I heard cries and then out came Musa. The moment the doctors put these two babies on me was the happiest and peaceful moment of my life.

The twins are turning 1 in four days. I still think of all the losses I have had in the past while trying to conceive and give birth to my twins. Then I look at my twins and just remember how complete they have made my life. Its more chaotic and busier but I love every moment of it. I wanted to finish this story and share it before they turned one. Looks like I will get to accomplish that goal. Though I will say and request if you know a couple who don’t have children never ask them why or when. You never know what they are going through. It was the why and when questions that would really hurt me, I remember. Infertility is a journey sometimes with a happy ending and sometimes it has no end. But what I have learned is that one needs blind faith and a never-ending feeling of optimism to survive.